That's Not My Toe!
by Torture Rack Cloud Deus X
Summary: Funny FF7 fic. R&R.


That's Not My Toe!

  


Another humor ficcy, this one stars a lot of weird peoplez! The good guys from FF7, Rufus, Reno, Rude, Elena, Heidigger, Scarlet, Lila, Torture Rack Cloud (me! ^_^) and a guy named Mr. Smiles. References to Barney and mindless slaughtering of defenseless plush toys! The weak hearted should turn back now!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

  


(Fade in to, um, let's say the Seventh Heaven Bar.)

  


Cid: Who the **&*&%&^ came up with the idea of "Mr. Smiles?"

  


(Everyone looks at Torture Rack Cloud)

  


Torture Rack Cloud: Err, uhh...

  


Red XIII: IT WAS HEIDIGGER!

  


Heidigger: GYA HA HA.

  


TRC: Ugh.

  


Cloud: I just say, endure him!

  


Mr. Smiles: Hello, it's a happy smiley day for doing the happy smiles hop!

  


Cloud: I take that back. Let's kill him. (Pulls out sword)

  


Lila: NO!!!!!

  


(Everyone looks at Lila)

  


Lila: *hugs Mr. Smiles* I like Mr. Smiles!

  


TRC: Uh oh. She's gone mad. Reno, get the tranquilizer darts.

  


Reno: YEEHA!

  


Cloud: Yes!

  


Lila: Mr. Smiles I just want to hug you and snuggle you and love you and cuddle you and squeeze you and-erk! (Falls over)

  


Reno: BWAHAHA! I rule. I _RULE_!

  


Cloud: Yeah, okay. What will we do with the body?

  
  


Barret: Screw that, 'foo! I wanna see WWF Smackdown!

  


Tifa: *rolls eyes* Dude, WCW OWNS WWF!

  


Barret: No way!

  


Tifa: Yes way!

  


Barret: No way!

  


Tifa: Yes way!

  


Barret: No way!

  


Tifa: Yes way!

  


Barret: No way!

  


Tifa: Yes way!

  


Cid: SHUT THE &*&*&&* UP!!!!!

  


Barret: 'FOO!

  


Tifa: What-ev-ah....WCW!

  


Barret: HEY??? WHERE'S MR. T??????????? 'FOO!!!!!!!!!

  


Cid: &*&&$^&&!

  


TRC: Um. What is the subject of this fic.

  


Tifa: It's about some toe.

  


Red XIII: THAT'S NOT MY TOE!

  


Scarlet: THAT'S MY HORSE!

  


Heidigger: THAT'S MY HORSE EDDY!

  


Barret: SHUT UP YA 'FOO! Billy "Bronco" Hanes is comin' on!

  


Cloud: Who???

  


Barret: Ooh, there's Johnny "The Bomb" Slush!

  


Vincent: YEEHA! YEEHA! JOHNNY!!!!!

  


Rude: YAHOO WRESTLING!!!

  


Yuffie: *rolls eyes* Men...

  


TRC: How about we have some hard drinks?

  


Tifa: Okay!

  


Cloud: Sweet, I need some!

  


Vincent: OH YEAH BABY! HARD DRINK!

  


TRC: *goes and gets frozen 7-up*

  


Tifa: Hey! That isn't a hard drink!

  


TRC: Yeah it is! Feel it! *taps on the ice*

  


Tifa: FOOL!

  


Barret: NO! 'FOO!

  


Rude: Cool he did the Rock Warm Freezer on Van "Rhino" Cold!

  


TRC: Anyone for frozen 7-up?

  


*crickets chirp*

  


Yuffie: *rolls eyes* Men...

  


Elena: I could go with some hard drinks!

  


TRC: *rolls eyes*

  


Barret: WHAT ARE YA DOING YA 'FOO? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO THE BULLSTINGA!!!!!!!! NOT THE ROCK WARM FREEZAH!!!!!

  


Cid: *^&&&^&^^ this!

  


Yuffie: hey Tifa! Let's play with the Size -3 Spandex in the back room!

  


Tifa: Okay!

  


TRC: *rolls eyes*

  


Cloud: *rolls eyes*

  


Cid:........*rolls....* &*&&^&^^&^&!!!!!!!!

  


Vincent: *rolls eyes*

  


Red XIII: *slurps*

  


Reno: I wonder why they want such small Span- UH OH!!!!!! WHERE'S MY MINIATURIZED PLASTIC DOLL OF MYSELF I MADE?????

  


*giggling is heard in background*

  


Reno: Oh shit. *faints*

  


Lila: *giggles* *runs in back with Yuffie and Tifa*

  


Rude: HAHAHA! This will be good!

  


Scarlet: Oh Heidiggy baby, do it some more baby ooooooooooooooooooh!

  


Heidigger: Sure thing, I love tuning up stuff!

  


TRC: (to self) I don't want to know, I don't want to know...(out loud) THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!! *turns around to see Heidigger fixing a broken microwave* Err...oops. *blushes*

  


Cid: *^&^*&&*&^&^!

  


Cait Sith: Remember kids, my name is pronounced "Ket Shee!"

  


Lila: *loud giggle and comes out of the back room* Look what I have, Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeno!

  


Reno: *sits up* OH HOLY MOTHER OF-

  


TRC: OMG!!!!!! LOL!

  


Cid: (**&&^&&^^&^&&^!!!!!!

  


Barret: HAHAHA!

  


Cid: &&^&^(*!!!!!

  


Reno: Oh God...it's voodoo...

  


Lila: This is sooooooo cute!

  


Vincent: Alright, get her out of the fic!

  


(Anvil falls on Lila)

  


Reno: Phew.

  


Vincent: Now, for TRC...

  


TRC: No, keep me in the fic. I deserve to be! I'm writing this fic!

  


Vincent: So? We'll get you outta this fic anyway.

  


TRC: Well, that's not FAIR!!!!!!!

  


Vincent: Yeah it is. *shoots TRC*

  


(Blood oozes out and TRC falls down. Blood gushes out)

  


Vincent: Oops.

  


TRC: *stands up* God, I love red food color!

  


Vincent: Aw, shaddap! *throws TRC out of fic*

  


Cid: Phew! Free of that &*&*&%&%^&er!

  


Reno: I STINK!

  


Cloud: I RULE!

  


Yuffie: CHEESE!

  


(Everyone looks at Yuffie)

  


Yuffie: oops...

  


Cid: Oh my God...^&^&&^*&ing BARNEY is on TV!

  


Barret: Aw shi'!

  


Rude: *turns to Reno* I rule you. *kills Reno* Ahh, that felt good.

  


Elena: Let's dump the body. *throws body away* All done!

  


Barney: Heeeey kids!

  


Cid: Heeeey, *&(*&*&**&er.

  


Barney: I love you

  


Cid: I hate you

  


Barney: You love me

  


Cid: You hate me

  


Barney: We're a happy family

  


Cid: We're a *&*^&%ing family

  


Barney: With a kiss and a hug

  


Cid: With a punch and a kick

  


Barney: And a love from me to you

  


Cid: And a (*^&&*&& from me to you

  


Barney: Won't you say

  


Cid: Won't you &*^^&&^&

  


Barney: You love me too

  


Cid: You hate me too

  


Everyone: *claps*

  


Cloud: BRAVO CID!!

  


Cid: You rule, Cloud!

  


(Everyone gathers around Cloud and gives him medals, praise, and cookies. They carry him around on their shoulders while Reno looks on dejectedly. They all spit on Reno and carry Cloud around)

  


Yuffie: Cloud is our hero!

  


Cid: Cloud has the best *&*&&^&ing hairdo ever!

  


Cait Sith: Cloud is a real pal!

  


Cloud: I RULE!!!! I RULE! I OWN YOU ALL!

  


Tifa: Cloud can fight well!

  


Aeris: Heehee, Cloud is my boyfriend!

  


Vincent: Cloud is so much cooler than me!

  


Rude: Cloud owns that bitch Reno!

  


Elena: Cloud, you're the greatest!

  


Everyone (chanting) Cloud! Cloud! Cloud!

  


Cloud: Thank you, thank you very much!

  


Reno: ARGH!!!!! *takes out a machine gun and fires upon all of Cloud's defenseless plush toys*

  


Cloud: ARGH YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!

  


(Everyone swarms Reno)

  


Yuffie: CHEESE!

  


Mr. Smiles: SMILES!!!!!

  


The End.


End file.
